Phantastic Championship Predictions....the other white meat

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP

JETS @ COLTS

Tony and the Jets really thought they had this one coming off of a huge win against San Diego last weekend. With the Jets NY street smarts and blue collar attitudes they seemed to think they could sneak past the perfect storm that is the Indianapolis Colts. The might have seemed to think this would all be a-ok and they could take sweet little Maria to Disney World after this and the Super Bowl have come and gone. However, whilst snapping his fingers and dancing into battle with his switchblade brandished Tony and the Jets overlooked one minor flaw in their plan: You don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Peyton unleashes his gun, and the Colts sending this tragic drama production into overdrive: Tony is left dead on the pavement and suddenly Maria doesn't "feel so pretty" anymore, and begins one of several drug addictions that can only be paid for by selling said addicts physical services for drugs/money. Truly a devastating ending to a once happy premise.

NFC
VIKINGS @ SAINTS

As with the Jets, things eventually looked up for the Saints. Two handsome Irish vigilantes can't be stopped by some old Nordic savages with old weapons right? Wrong. The Saints seem to start strong with their flashy antics and prayers only to realize that you couldn't hit a goddamn planet while diving across the room firing two handcannons in slow-mo. Taking advantage of this notion the Vikings use their slightly less flashy weapons (Adrian Peterson as of late) to great effect and win playoff games using the tried and true formula of good running followed by good defense. The Saints land a few punches, but their prayers go unanswered as Brett Farve causes a media frenzy by heading to the Superbowl at the ripe age of.....OLD. And shepherds we shall be.....because we're overrated. Seriously Boondock Saints is only cool if you are like thirteen or are from 1999, get over it and damn you for making a crappy sequel!